Brother.

I really just want to break down and cry right now.
My heart hurts so badly...

I found my brother on facebook.
I've never met him. I don't even know for sure if he knows about me
I would assume he does.
I sent the friend request, not thinking anything of it.
He accepted it.

Dang, really? That easy? I wonder if he realizes who I am.
I guess he does.

I check out his page
wondering if my sister has a facebook
I haven't seen her since I was about 4 years old.
My eyes tear up to see his face.
He looks so much like my Dad.
That's when I see
He's in a relationship.
With a guy.

I didn't see that one coming.
My heart shatters on the floor...
How could someone in my own family be gay?
No one else is
Was it because of the absence of my dad in his life?
That wasn't fully my father's fault...
Why can't my brother know the Jesus I know?

I want so badly for him to love the Lord.
To know this fulfillment I have.
To get to know my dad again
I don't know if I can tell him that he's gay...
My dad's only son. gay.
But, I mean, we love him anyway
right?

I've been cool with my gay friends
That's whatever, their choice to not fully surrender.
but...
not my brother.
The one I've dreamed about meeting my whole life
The one I've sat for hours wondering what he's like
What he looked like
If he was married
If he had kids
If he ever missed us
Or wondered where we were.

We would pray for him and my sister, Shelly, growing up
Dad always prayed for us before bed
And we always prayed for them, too
If they've been covered in prayer, how does this happen?

My first reaction is regret...
Maybe I didn't want to know this...
But, at the same time
Maybe it's good
'Cause, now I know how to pray for him.
He's never too far gone.
And I love him
He's my only brother.

I'd love to meet him in real life one day
Maybe one day.
Who knows
but, for now
I pray with everything within me that he gets delivered.