Be the voice.

Sometimes I just sit back and wonder,
"Who am I?"

Not in the sense that I'm searching for my identity, or rely on other people to define me.
I'm not lost, or longing for some kind of definement (yes, I made that word up) to call my own.
But, I do think I am on a constant search to better know myself.

This search consists of constant intake and output; a never ending assessment of the things that happen around me, my reaction to them, and how I can benefit from the situation--be it a negative or positive one.
Some weeks--like this past one--can become emotionally overwhelming and really just burnout whatever part of myself does this assessment. It becomes over loaded and I tend to start shutting down, piece by piece, in some attempt at salvaging whatever purity decency is left in this chamber.
And in these weeks, I can come to moments, where I just sit back and step outside of myself and allow myself to assess who I am.
Who I am. Not who other people try to tell me I am.
Not who other people try to influence me to be.
Not who other people try to spur me on to act out and become.
None of that, just the person I am.

This person is a long list of situations and happenings. Cuts and blows dealt left and right, along side kindness and decent humanity applied like a salve; life can leave your head spinning.
And it's not up to other people to decide who you are and what these situations will make of you; that's up to you.
You can feel the blows and let them defeat you, or you can let them inspire you to try harder and be better.
You can take people's words, accept them, and live accordingly, or you can filter out what is shot your way and use the wisdom of people who build you up to do just that. In turn, offering what you've learned and found effective to someone else trying to navigate their own life.

I am who I am.
I have known beauty.
I have known pain.
I have been beaten down.
I have been built up.
I have hurt.
I have been hurt.
I have healed.
I have visited old wounds.
I have overcome demons.
I have been inspired.
I have been disgusted.
I have known kindness.
I have made the most of situations.
I have let situations defeat me--for a time.

I am not perfect, nor will I ever be.
But I'll be damned if I don't make the best effort I am capable of to make this life one worth leaving behind in memories of those I've encountered.
I won't always live how I want to be remembered, but I learn from each mistake and try to be better.

The hardest part is understanding that I won't be understood. To accept that people will try to change me. That they will have good intentions in it, too. I can't hold that against them.

I am me.
I vow to stay true to this.
The best I can, the convictions in my heart.
I vow to love the best I know how, even when it hurts like hell.
I vow to look for the good in every situation, even when everything seems really ugly.
It's the least I can do.
And you can, too.

Be who you are, who God created  you to be.
Imitate the example of Christ and let opinions fall away.
Don't hold it against yourself when you fall short; you are human.
But also, don't overlook it like it's nothing important.
It is important. Every bit of it.
You are important.

Be the voice.