Not my job, I love my job. But I would function so much better if certain things were different, but I have no control over those things.
And since I have to look like I'm working, I can't easily bust out my journal and appease this longing inside of me.
Now I have 5 blogs on blogger alone.
I also have 4 Tumblr's.
I have Facebook.
Twitter.
Instagram.
etc, etc.
Yet I want none of these.
I want the pen in my hand and the paper underneath.
I want the medium where my words aren't shouted out to the masses as soon as I finish writing.
I want to put my thoughts in that secret place where I can admit thoughts and feelings free of judgment or someone trying to "fix me."
Just because I feel doesn't mean I need to be fixed.
I'm just a twenty-six-year-old, trying to navigate her way through this life she has, all while trying to do her best not to piss people off.
A big part of me wants to delete Facebook all together.
I'm tired of having everyone else's lives thrown into my face every other second.
Telling me all the different ways I fall short and how much I'm not enough.
I only keep it for two reasons:
- My photography page has turned into an important connection for clients.
- It fills time at work.
I hate #2 as much as I'm sure you were amused reading it, but it's true.
I hate it.
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
Why is it that so many work places don't have enough work for their people to do?
I know I'm not the only one with this issue, and honestly it's weird.
Having to do something pointless simply because you need the money is one of the most frustrating things.
I hate doing pointless things, especially pointless required things.
I dream of one day occupying my time with things that I'm actually passionate about, or at least mildly interested in, and not having to worry about the paycheck it does or doesn't bring.
What is my life and why is it this way?
That's a loaded question with a novel between the lines.
Oh Dove,
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly why I deleted my Facebook a few days ago. Not only for the same reasons as you but also because I wasn't really connecting with the people on my Facebook anymore, even old friends who used to be close but who are now just old friends not engaging with me my life anymore. I have YouTube now, Instagram, Goodreads, and I'm working on a blog. Sometimes when you sense there is something in your life innately stagnant, it's time to move on. Facebook is my old MySpace, both of which I left. Here's something you can do: I used to have community/business pages on Facebook and there is a setting you can choose that will allow you to log in on Facebook as your photography page/account, instead of personal account. :-) So then you can use Facebook for your photography business as your photography name without ever having to interact with anyone on your personal account. You can switch back and forth pretty easily. But, I thought this would be a peaceful suggestion that would relieve that burdensome stress for you. Also, you can unfollow everybody and then you won't see any of their posts unless you actively click on their pages. It's a win win! ;-) Gosh... I hate that whole "fix me" thing that people do. I was talking to my hubs about this last night. In my utopia, everyone would be accepting of each other and would celebrate one another's unique differences and personalities.
You're gonna have to walk me through that because I will totally leave it. (Well. After recital? Cause I'm on a group thing where she posts the video each week. So, unless I can access that too? meh.) It's just too impersonal. And I have so many people on there, that it's overwhelming and I can never see everyone anyway. I unfollow everyone I'm not interested in and then more uninteresting people pop up and it never ends. I like how I can post something on instagram or wherever and not get stupid comments like I get on facebook. Another reason I kinda kept it around was because so many people told me it was encouraging.
ReplyDeletePart of me wants to keep it around for those people who I've only reconnected with through facebook, but I just don't know if it's worth it.
Gaaaah
Okay :-) <3
ReplyDelete