Be the voice.

Sometimes I just sit back and wonder,
"Who am I?"

Not in the sense that I'm searching for my identity, or rely on other people to define me.
I'm not lost, or longing for some kind of definement (yes, I made that word up) to call my own.
But, I do think I am on a constant search to better know myself.

This search consists of constant intake and output; a never ending assessment of the things that happen around me, my reaction to them, and how I can benefit from the situation--be it a negative or positive one.
Some weeks--like this past one--can become emotionally overwhelming and really just burnout whatever part of myself does this assessment. It becomes over loaded and I tend to start shutting down, piece by piece, in some attempt at salvaging whatever purity decency is left in this chamber.
And in these weeks, I can come to moments, where I just sit back and step outside of myself and allow myself to assess who I am.
Who I am. Not who other people try to tell me I am.
Not who other people try to influence me to be.
Not who other people try to spur me on to act out and become.
None of that, just the person I am.

This person is a long list of situations and happenings. Cuts and blows dealt left and right, along side kindness and decent humanity applied like a salve; life can leave your head spinning.
And it's not up to other people to decide who you are and what these situations will make of you; that's up to you.
You can feel the blows and let them defeat you, or you can let them inspire you to try harder and be better.
You can take people's words, accept them, and live accordingly, or you can filter out what is shot your way and use the wisdom of people who build you up to do just that. In turn, offering what you've learned and found effective to someone else trying to navigate their own life.

I am who I am.
I have known beauty.
I have known pain.
I have been beaten down.
I have been built up.
I have hurt.
I have been hurt.
I have healed.
I have visited old wounds.
I have overcome demons.
I have been inspired.
I have been disgusted.
I have known kindness.
I have made the most of situations.
I have let situations defeat me--for a time.

I am not perfect, nor will I ever be.
But I'll be damned if I don't make the best effort I am capable of to make this life one worth leaving behind in memories of those I've encountered.
I won't always live how I want to be remembered, but I learn from each mistake and try to be better.

The hardest part is understanding that I won't be understood. To accept that people will try to change me. That they will have good intentions in it, too. I can't hold that against them.

I am me.
I vow to stay true to this.
The best I can, the convictions in my heart.
I vow to love the best I know how, even when it hurts like hell.
I vow to look for the good in every situation, even when everything seems really ugly.
It's the least I can do.
And you can, too.

Be who you are, who God created  you to be.
Imitate the example of Christ and let opinions fall away.
Don't hold it against yourself when you fall short; you are human.
But also, don't overlook it like it's nothing important.
It is important. Every bit of it.
You are important.

Be the voice.

I wish you enough.

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."

lovely vs. unlovely

Sometimes when everything around you seems to go to crap, all you need to do is take a breath, look around you and notice all the lovely things that exist.
Sure, there's really unlovely thing, and yes in that moment their existence is more prominent than the lovely.
But noticing the lovely helps take the edge off the unlovely.
It gives you a flicker of hope that maybe it's possible that things can still get better.

Yesterday, it was the rain hitting the window while reading a good book with my favorite old album playing.

Getting to have a moment like that made it possible for my sapped creativity to start flowing again, or at least start churning.
It gave me a fresh look on life.

Not a new one, because I believe that's what the last 4 years were for.
But a fresh one.
Definitely a fresh one.

Words.

I don't understand how people can be so inconsiderate of others when it comes to words.

Sure, I'm not perfect either, and I'm sure there are times when my words come off in ways I don't intend. But there are some people who speak without a care of how you interpret it because to them it's not their problem.
But it is. It is your problem. You are inadvertently creating pain in another human being, and if that isn't a problem, I don't know what is.
No one is ever going to be perfect. It's impossible for every word you say to always be as sweet as honey, but you can do what is in your power to do to speak soft words.

Why would you want to say things that cut people down?
Why would you want to make someone feel ignorant?
Why would you want to tear someone apart?

Do you not realize that words have a lasting influence?
That what one is told is what echoes through their heads when they're alone?

You have the power to infiltrate someone's darkest times with light, why would you instead spout out swords that pierce through and shred on the way out?

Just because you are able to speak, doesn't mean you should.
Just because you have the ability to form words doesn't mean you should shoot them off without a second thought.

Yes, we are all different.
We are all raised differently and have different frames of mind.
I believe that is part of what makes the world beautiful.
Why not cultivate that beauty with kind words?

When you're dead and 6 feet deep, what will people say of you?
What will be their lasting impression?
What will live on longer than you?

Make it of kindness.
Make it warm fuzzies.
Make it something people want to remember, not something people can shrug off and move on from.
Make your life count, form your words with care.

A night at the Oscars

I just read a post my friend wrote after his experience at the Oscars last night.
He works for the Armed Forces Network, and goes to different events to get footage and interviews to stream over to our troops around the world.

He beautifully describes what kind of release this is for them, desperate for any touch of home.
And he tells of some of his celebrity encounters.

This is why I have tears in my eyes.

People forget that celebrities are also people.
They have emotions.
They have limits.
They have thoughts.
They have ideas.
They have families.
They have opinions.
(their own opinions.)
They aren't too different from the rest of us.

Except that they also have a spotlight on them 24/7. That they are recognized anywhere they go, and have to always be "on" as soon as they step foot out side the door, and some even if they just open their blinds.

So to hear of celebrities that wanted to talk to Stephen, that came over to him without him asking, that asked how he was doing, that were honored to tell our troops how proud of them they are. To see pictures of someone as prominent as Anjelina Jolie waiting to talk to Stephan as he conversed with Matthew McConaughey, it really makes my heart beam with pride.
These people, these humans, recognize that there are other humans out there in the world right now, risking their lives for the freedom they have to do what they do. This freedom for all of us. That we don't have some right or entitlement to these freedoms, but that we fight for them... It gives me a whole heck of a lot more respect for them.

If you want to read his post, you can find it here.

Lyrics

"You were a good thing in a world gone wrong."