Dear Friend

Dear Friend, what's on your mind
You don�t laugh the way you used to
But I've noticed how you cry
Dear friend, I feel so helpless
I see you sit in silence
As you face new pain each day
I feel there�s nothing I can do
I know you don�t feel pretty
Even though you are
But it wasn�t your beauty
That found room in my heart

Dear friend, you are so precious Dear Friend
Dear friend, I'm here for youI know that you don�t talk too much
But we can share this day anew
Dear Friend, please don�t feel like you're alone
There is someone who is praying
Praying for your peace of mind
Hoping joy is what you'll find
I know you don�t feel weak
Even though you are
But it wasn�t your strength
That found room in my heart
Dear friend, you are so precious, Dear Friend




This song always makes me cry.

No worries.

Well it's not something I do as a job or a task. I love you. And you're my bestfriend :)

from Betty.

My Dear Unknown ©

I’m not sure if you even exist…but if you do, I’m sure I’ll show you this.
And if you do, I’d just like to say, I’m excited to meet you and to get to know you.
And if you do, I’d just like to apologize…because I know it’ll be hard for you.
And if you do, I feel kinda guilty…
But if you do, I know you’ll understand. You’ll have to.
But if you don’t, that’s okay…I’ve made it this far, why not the rest of the way.

Heavy heart.

I'm not sure what my deal is today.
Maybe it's everything.

Today is a very weighted day.

I'll never forget.
(Columbine)

Get out of my head.

My favorite flower growing up was always a rose…but, as I got older, I dropped this.And, it wasn’t until today that I figured out why.

I heard so many people say, “Roses are so overrated…everyone has red roses at their wedding. I don’t like them.”

Apparently, hearing that enough, I conformed my thought patterns to that of those around me…
Not anymore.

It began last Wednesday with three red roses, and a wonderful revelation of Jesus through them.

It continued yesterday. In picking my car.
The Sonata is newer, it’s more professional-looking on the inside, it has less milage on it, and I do believe it was my mom’s favorite of the two.
But.
When it came down to it, it was my decision.
Before I enlisted the help of friends ( :D ), I test drove a red Kia, simply because the Silver Sonata was getting it’s oil changed, and they’re practically the same car. So, after finding a picture of Taylor Swift on the ground by the car, I get in with my mom.
As I turn on the car, the thought occurs. “You’ve always wanted a little red car…”I haven’t thought that in…I can’t even remember how long.Then, all the thoughts come flooding back, of how I didn’t want the explorer because it was tan and ugly and big but it wasn’t my choice because it was my sister’s car first, how the first name Turbo had was “Rose”, and many other things…I kinda sat in a shock brought on by realization.

Why did I change my car’s name? Because I thought people thought it was a stupid name… Why did I start despising little red cars? Because people said they got pulled over easier by popo’s.
So, what did I do?
I picked the red car :)
And it was confirmed that the red car was more “me”

I’ve decided I’m really going to be myself.
Screw what other people say.
I’ve always been told I’m unique and stuff, but I think I’m just now starting to embrace it.

I love Jesus
I’ve never dated
I like elephants
I hate stickers and donuts
I like red roses and purple flowers of any kind
I’ve always wanted a little red car
I’m simple, and that makes things complicated
My love languages are quality time and physical touch. I know you love me if you spend time with me. I really know you love me if you touch me.
I love photography
I crochet
I sign
Rome is my favorite place
I’m very sentimental
I tend to take everything to heart, because I put my heart into everything
If I’m not listening to music, I have it playing in my head loud enough for me to not be able to tell.
I’m clumsy
I want to go to Morocco.
I miss going to the Hebrew thing I went to when I was little.
I bake some killer brownies
I like meeting new people. I’m just usually scared that the feeling isn’t mutual.
I love laughing
Puppies always make things better.
I’ve journaled since I was twelve. And I’m so grateful for it.
I am me.

hindsight.

In hindsight, it seems that I just screw people’s lives up…I can recall being told numerous times,“Emilee, you helped me grow a lot”In other words,“You made me so mad… so I used it to “learn from” to make myself feel better.”
Or, once I’m gone from people’s lives, I see them post about how that season was so difficult. Or things happen that seem out of no where, but I can’t just erase it. And I don’t understand it at all.
What am I to do?Nothing.
Matthew 6:34… I suppose that also means not to worry about what has already happened as well.I find myself content. But it seems that when I do, things come in to make me anxious.
Why is it that I can’t know what’s coming up in the near future, but others can?And why is it that when I’m going where I feel God is leading me, and doing what I feel is correct in every situation, and if not, as soon as I realize it, I’m quick to correct it or apologize, or both… Why is it that things still seem to fall on me?
…
Because I trust. I can’t see all of this, because I trust.And that’s not a bad thing at all. I just know that it won’t all make sense to me now…I have to remain secure in the fact that I was indeed led by God, in everything…And that He isn’t gonna leave me hanging…
I don’t even know if that makes sense…but it does in my head, and more importantly in my spirit.
I guess I just gotta let life happen.

one day...

It kinda hurts to see that people that once made me believe that I was important to them don't really ever talk to me. But that other people--random ones--are. I'm sure I've made people feel this way, and it breaks my heart... because I hate how it feels...
It makes me feel that when I knew them, I was misinterpreted. Or because they knew what I was struggling with that got masked from other people, that they think less of me.
Or that they had misconcieved notions about me.
I'm fun, I really am.
I'm not deep all the time
I loooove laughing
I love having a good time, and making memories.
But I'm afraid that they only see me as the immature whatever whatever...the person you tolerate.
I know one day they'll see...and hopefully they'll understand...
Maybe this is what has given me the strength I have today.
The fact that they kinda let go of me.
I know they love me, they do. But, I've just had so many people kick me to the curb.
I'm trying to make a point now to search out those people I may have done this to, and reconcile. Because there are many perfectly good friendships to be had if I stop being so selfish.
I've come to find out that most people don't think of me the way I've made it up in my head that they do...
Is this my fault for thinking whatever it is I've made up in my head? Or is it because I'm not being told anything else by them...that I just don't know...
*shrug*
oh well.
Time for a new lesson to be learned.
I can't rely on people to spoon feed me.
I have to take initiative
I have to keep confidence
And I can't get offended or upset.
I have to take the first step sometimes.
One day this will all make sense.

I know I'm loved.
But, I'd like to actually feel loved every once in a while...
and know, just know that it was true.

I have come to the conclusion.

That I can't control anything.
And I just have to live with this fact.

But, I know I can rest assured that everything will be okay.
Just, sometimes I wonder if I need to step out, ya know? Instead of just being passive and letting things happen.

Well, stepping out is getting me no where but shoved back to where I was standing before.
I'm where I'm supposed to be.
Things will be taken car of from here.