one day...

It kinda hurts to see that people that once made me believe that I was important to them don't really ever talk to me. But that other people--random ones--are. I'm sure I've made people feel this way, and it breaks my heart... because I hate how it feels...
It makes me feel that when I knew them, I was misinterpreted. Or because they knew what I was struggling with that got masked from other people, that they think less of me.
Or that they had misconcieved notions about me.
I'm fun, I really am.
I'm not deep all the time
I loooove laughing
I love having a good time, and making memories.
But I'm afraid that they only see me as the immature whatever whatever...the person you tolerate.
I know one day they'll see...and hopefully they'll understand...
Maybe this is what has given me the strength I have today.
The fact that they kinda let go of me.
I know they love me, they do. But, I've just had so many people kick me to the curb.
I'm trying to make a point now to search out those people I may have done this to, and reconcile. Because there are many perfectly good friendships to be had if I stop being so selfish.
I've come to find out that most people don't think of me the way I've made it up in my head that they do...
Is this my fault for thinking whatever it is I've made up in my head? Or is it because I'm not being told anything else by them...that I just don't know...
*shrug*
oh well.
Time for a new lesson to be learned.
I can't rely on people to spoon feed me.
I have to take initiative
I have to keep confidence
And I can't get offended or upset.
I have to take the first step sometimes.
One day this will all make sense.