Second Time Around.

If I Die Young by The Band Perry came on the radio for the second time in thirty minutes just now.
I love this song.
It's seriously one of my favorites
And I have just accepted the fact that people won't understand this.

I have a painting of part of the lyrics
Jenn saw it today and said, "Well, that's morbid"
She's never heard the song.
But, it's funny.
Because my life is rather morbid...

I remember as a kid when jonbennet Ramsey or however that's spelled died, I asked mom if when you died, you would stay that age in heaven.
I remember thinking how I wanted to die young.
I remember being fascinated with anything that had to do with death,
Like in movies and TV shows that had people that were dead as main characters
ie. Suzie Q, The Haunted Mansion, That episode of Are You Afraid Of the Dark? where the character died, but didn't realize they died, and only one person could see them, so they showed them the newspaper articles about it...
Stuff like that
Always was my favorite.
Always.

It's ingrained in me.
I can't shake it.

I'm very unique.
Chances are, you won't meet anyone else like me.

That's why I'm afraid of marriage.
Afraid to get too close to people.
There's a depth to me that too many know, but not many active people in my life know.
To fully understand me, you must know this.
Still, most who know it don't understand me.

There are a few people I really want to tell.
Not sure if they'd understand, so I don't say anything.
I just write letters.
That also seems to be how I handle things.
It's not wise for me to say anything anyways.

I'm not worried.
I have learned a lot recently.
I get these glimpses
And they help me understand.

I'm very contemplative right now.
I guess I'm just realizing a lot about myself
What makes me tick.
It's interesting.

I hate when I feel like I talk a lot.
I love listening to people.
I like even more when I can listen to people, and they ask for my input, and listen to it