Difference.

I've had people question what really is the big deal with our decisions.

You know, those little ones that don't really seem to matter.
Do they really matter? Why do they matter? Who cares anyway?

I've come to realize, that is what sets us apart.

I don't know if I can really explain this like I understand it in my head...

Take--for instance--my life compared to others.
Okay, I've never dated
Never kissed a guy
Nothing.
I know this pretty much never happens anymore, and honestly, at first it was a bet with a friend that turned into a "holy crap, I'm 22 and never kissed. There's no way I'm ging to embarass myself now unless I'm marrying this guy" realization.

Compared to the average person next to me.
Kissed many times
Probably not a virgin.
But not like, a whore, where they sleep around endlessly.

It may  mean something to them, it may still be something they consider "sacred" and only give to certain people
but, still, they give it away.

Both of us go to church
Both of us love Jesus
Both of us read our Bible
And probably the same amount, because I'm not a holier-than-thou super Christian.
I'm human.

I know I should read my Bible more, but that's not the point.

So, what sets us apart?
That door.
That simple door that they have opened and I have not...

It's a simple decision
It may not seem like much
But it's like a rope, tied around their ankle that has a lead weight on the other end.
They can still get farther than most people, the ones who live in the world and are whores and blatently live sinful lives
But, they won't get as far as they could.

Those little decisions hold them back and weigh them down.

I know this is something I've had to stare straight in the eye and address the things I've had tied to my ankle, holding me back
Sometimes, I still find myself fighting off thoughts
But thoughts are way different than actions.
Come on, even Jesus was tempted, even He had thoughts about doing things that weren't right
But He never acted out.

It breaks my heart to see these people in my life...
I want so badly for them to untie that weight that only they can untie
And live their life to the fullest that they can.

My heart is a little heavy today.
Hence why I'm actually posting this now.

Sometimes I feel if I don't release thoughts immediately, I might explode.

Sometimes I question things I say
Sometimes I wish I could explain myself better so that people can actually understand what I mean, and I don't give them the wrong impression or idea.

*sigh*
It's life.

My friends still love me.

People will understand one day.

Until then,
I just keep living,
documenting
etching my thoughts onto paper
and furiously stroking these keys
Hoping to shake this, find some peace, and make a difference.