Funerals.

Yesterday I was able to attend the funeral of a friend of mine's dad.
He died of cancer last week.
She is 13 and has a little sister.
If I even met her dad, it was once.
I've been to my share of funerals...
But this one was different.

I don't know if it was just the fact that Pastor Isaias was doing the sermon
Or what...
But it shook me.
Not many will cry for a man they didn't even know.
That's what I found myself doing.

They sang a few hymns, a few were played on the Saxophone
And even though this was a typical funeral song
It's words resounded in me...

These were the stansas that Chach sang.

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,

That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,

And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

Praise God, Praise God, Praise God, Praise God
Praise God, Praise God, Praise God
Praise God, Praise God, Praise God, Praise God
Praise God, Praise God, Praise God."

Ever word sang was a word of truth
A word of hope
A bringing peace
And at the end, through it all
We praise God.
Just as it should be.

When Pastor Isaias spoke, he put himself in Rey's shoes...
What he was seeing, who he was meeting, what events were happening.
He described heaven
He explained how eternity is not limited by time.

Eternity.
I've always thought about it
Tried to wrap my mind around it
Of course, I never could.
But the thought of not being limited like that...
No wonder God is dealing with me about not limiting Him.
Pastor said how Rey isn't feeling anymore pain
He's more alive than we are
Cancer doesn't exist to him anymore.
I've heard this many times before, but this time it clicked.
Maybe because I haven't been feeling too hot, and I know this is a fight I need to keep fighting no matter how difficult it could become...

As he spoke, heaven felt real.
Something clicked in my head
This isn't just some religious, spiritual mumbo jumbo.
It's real.
Death isn't the end.
I've always know it wasn't
I still remember how I felt when Rachel died
But the thought of the moment of transition...
It just felt so real.

Funerals are really just for the people left behind.

I started thinking about mine.
What it might be like, who might come.
By this point, people are going up and talking about Rey
I guess I had forgotten my funeral will probably be about me...
Why?
I fight for my life not to be about me, why should my death be?
I guess for everone I'll leave behind.

I know I'm notorious for not realizing my own greatness.
Or. whatever.
Like when I put my pictures up in the cove, and they started selling, I was surprised.
And hearing Liz talk to me about it, she was shocked I didn't realize how good I was
But. I truly didn't.
So, I guess my funeral will be full of that...

I sat there
Hoping...
That people will come
That people will have nice things to say about me
If for no other reason but to show my parents that they did a great job in raising me
That they should be proud.
That my life wasn't in vain
But really was lived out to it's entire potential.
In my mind, I saw Pastor Isaias at mine.
But, there were cameras.
And standing room only.
And people there that no one knew I knew
That no one knew I touched.
People who feel lost in the crowd
But yet, they get up
And are able to say how my life touched theirs...
And tthe amount of people saying significant things is significant
And my mom is sitting there crying,
Not out of sorrow any longer
But, out of joy.
The joy to know my life wasn't in vain...
That a full life can be in a smaller amount of years.
After all, eternity isn't limited by time.
Once we're alive, we're alive forever
Somewhere...

It made the realization of Hell that much more intense...
It made my heart break even more...
There are these people in my life that I love so deeply
some I have just met
And I don't want them to have to go for all eternity in a place like that.
Mediocre living isn't worth eternity of suffering...
This life is more than merely living...
People need to see this.
You either suffer a bit here, and spend eternity in all the glory of heaven and God's presence
Or you induldge here, which ultimately is just masking our suffering, just to suffer forever in Hell.
Literally.

Excuses are stupid, really.
And I've given my share of them.
Nothing can even try to hold up in a match against the reward of living life right.
Of committing to Christ.
Honestly, I've searched...
There isn't anything worth more than this.
Like, the confidence in a trusted friend
Or that simple gesture you hold immense value in.
That text when you're at the end of your rope.
That feeling of accomplishment. That you did something right.
Times eternity.

I don't know if my funeral will be anything like I was imagining.
Chach and I joke about how it would go
With balloons, confetti, Purple, "Don't worry, be happy"
I guess y'all will see one day.

But I can't shake this.
This feeling that life is more than me.
That I have to do something to make sure as many people as possible get to meet Jesus.
To experience the rewards it brings.
To know true peace.

My heart goes out...
My prayers go up...
Lord, use my life.
Do whatever needs to be done to get to these people, God.
Soften their hearts
Open their eyes
Break the chains binding them
Do away with mindsets and limits
Crumble the walls...

Do what only You can do...