Understood.

I feel different.
And as I look back on the last few days, I can see it.
I don't understand it.

I wish I did.
It leaves me feeling frustrated.
It leaves me crying.
Crying out, for some form of answer
Some form of solution.

But, honestly, if I found the answer and solution I seem to long for
what would I do with it?
Would I be satisfied?
I never seem to be.

Where is happiness?
Is it in having everyone happy with me?
In doing my best to please them all?
No.
I know this isn't it.
But, somewhere deep engrained in me is the desire to make other people happy.
That's what I find makes me feel better on hard days.

But, then I come across the pain of when they are no longer in my life...
Sometimes people do that.
Or, I've been hurt by so many people.
Or I'll have these expectations for them, and when they don't reach it, I get so disappointed...

My heart breaks.
I'm torn.

There's so much change going on in my life.
I feel like everything is being shaken and I can't find my footing.
I just fall to the floor, crying.

I've been crying more lately.
Obviously.
But if asked why
What made me cry?
I'd have no answer.

Just,
My heart hurts.
And I don't understand it.