February.

Today is about 9 years since my friend committed suicide.
Tomorrow is 4 years since I started eating again.
The Packers are playing in the Super Bowl today
They were the favorite team of my friend who died 4 years ago this April 10th.

Usually around February every year, I start getting super nostalgic.
For some reason, this year I didn't even think about it.
I just barely noticed last night when I was driving home from work.
I only noticed because it's my girl Gabby's birthday.
That's when it clicked.

It hit kinda weird.
Like a super light ton of bricks.
I think today it hit me more.
A little more of a reality.

I don't have my old journals, but I was looking back on my old notebook to see what was being saidin Church services I was around.
Pretty right on.

Then it's ironic of things I was dealing with spiritually
and how it's almost parallel to now.
And how I didn't even realize the examples I was giving a few days ago to explain how I understood what someone was explaining to me about a current thing going on was this time three years ago.


But, you know.
This year, it's different.
It's easier.
I really feel like I have been more healed of everything.
That things don't sting as badly as they used to.
It's still very real
But a little less painful.


I was thinking all this during church
Then, of course, at lunch I run into the guy who sexually harassed me that I haven't seen in quite a while.


But, it's okay.
It's not as painful.
I think it will always be a thought
But, it doesn't always have to hurt.

Jesus loves me.
He is jealous for me.
And even when I screw up, He is so jealous for me that He won't let satan and his schemes overtake me.

That brings tears to my eyes.