So, I was sitting amongst a group of people today
when I realized...
I just want to be alone...
Not in like, an emo sense, but in just a... I like solidarity way.
I mean, there are times when I LOVE being around people. And when they draw the best out of me.
But, there are sometimes when being around people just isn't the best... When I doubt, and become unsure of everything I know God has.
When I just feel myself being pulled down.
I just want to get alone...
I want to remember what I'm here to do. I want to simply...be.

I wish there was a way to just take a break.
I mean, I love people. I absolutely love when I can help them, and I love those connections with people you get when you just wish the night wouldn't end
But, those days when you feel like you're just being brought down, like you're running on empty, like you've given all you can
Those days when you're just unsure of everything, when you don't really have a clear path... just kinda waiting til the next step makes itself clear...

Those are the days I just want to get alone.
It's been raining. And when it rains, ahhh, I just want to burst with joy! :) I love it.
It gives me hope.
I'm not really sure why.
I just want to immerse myself in it.
To be completely drenched. Soaking wet with it. I never want to leave.
Just watching it makes me feel secure.

But, why?
What is it about overcast skies that makes me feel sure?
That makes me feel safe...
That makes me feel, important even?

*shrug*
I have no idea, but it does...
...there's just something about it.

Maybe because rain makes rainbows
and rainbows remind me of God's promise for me...
One I wait for with excited heart :) It's gonna be great

Maybe because it's just a representation of prosperity
That rain gives us so much...waters crops, replenishes the water supply... gives me puddles to jump in...

Maybe because I know I'll see the sun shine again
And that I know when things are hard with life that I can remember that the sun will shine again if I just wait long enough

Maybe it's because it matches the emotions I've been feeling but can't express.

I don't really know what to do with emotion.
I'll admit, I've forgotten how to feel... I mean, sometimes it's no problem whatsoever, I'm rather empathetic...but sometimes, I just don't know how to feel...
And the rain is like the sky's way of getting out everything locked on the inside of me...

*shrug*
I dunno

but I love it :)
And it makes me dance :)