So, we just got back from spending the weekend at Discovery Camp.
It was beyond amazing, Jesus really showed up and took over, and I know none of our youth came back the same.
Honestly, I've been nervous about it for a while, now. So many emotions are swirling around my head, and I wasn't quite sure how it would all pan out. I trusted that it would go well, because if not, I would have stayed home.
I wish I could have just journaled every moment, so I wouldn't forget any of it. I have most of it down now, but still have much more to write about, and I'm sure I forgot some details. I wrote the first night, and then twice today (once before first service, then the entire drive home) and I still have more to get down.
Seeing my friends up there went very well--better than I expected--and I even ran into some people I didn't expect to see there. Including Christina Millman. :) That really made my day. I haven't seen her in forever, and she is just great, so anytime I see her is automatically ten times better than normal.
I cried a lot. I remember when I would never cry... now, I find myself modeling that whole situation after that of my first year RA. I remember seeing her when she found out her best friend was pregnant. She sat on her bed and cried.
After she cried, she apologized. I told her apologizing was unnecessary, because in reality, she was showing me how to be a real leader. Feel. You're created to feel. Don't fight it. Don't dwell on it, either, but don't push it aside thinking it'll be out of sight, out of mind.
I found myself perplexed often. So many different things going on in my head all at once can get pretty demanding on a person, but He told me,
"Don't worry. Things are going to get better when you get home. because you deserve it."
and,
"Let your heart trust the Lord."
I also sat down with my dear friend Courtney, and gave her a brief synopsis of everything, and you could just see her heart was full of compassion. And talking to her, I actually felt peace. Like, for some reason I knew and believed everything would be okay... That there was hope...
She prayed for me, and it really meant the world to me. She is a high quality individual. I remember the first time we met. :) I really am proud of her.
Anyways. This whole experience has held many bittersweet moments.
We were in my old dorm, with my old room... Flashbacks seemed to never end.
I'm also faced with pressure, and all the guilt in stuff for myself...
Anyways...
I miss that place. And all the encouragement simply standing on the grounds brings.
Life could be literally falling apart at the seems. You step on those grounds, you're at peace.
The hard thing is knowing that I'm not supposed to be there. That Jesus told me, "I'll give you the desires of your heart, but you can't reach everything I've called you to here."
So, I'm back home.
I literally have no idea what my point in life is.
But, I'll still hold on.
Things will work out. they always do... Always
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