Jesus is the same

Jesus has really been working on my heart lately.
At prayer on Thursday... man, I wasn't expecting what He did for me.
Prayer went...pretty late. But we got into this Holy Spirit laugh fest, which I haven't experienced since Pastor Glenn had his church, Petra. From there, he went over and prayed for Lizette. I just kinda sat there, taking in the whole moment. I was pretty overwhelmed with Jesus, in a way I haven't been in a while.
Then, Pastor Glenn came up to me.
He started praying for me, and declaring peace over me... and countless other things. It was completely unexpected, but it began to chip away at the hard surface that my heart had become.
All the worries, all the fears, all the weight, it began to fall away.

"Why do you insist on carrying a burden that isn't yours to bear? Give it to Me, it's what I died for."
"You're doing the right thing."
"How much do you love me? You say you do, but do you truly love me? More than anyone else in your life, even your closest friend? Don't worry about them...don't worry about pleasing them, or if you're doing the right thing, or if they'll get upset...this isn't about you and them, it's about you and Me."

Those are just a few things God told me.
It was very reassuring...

Then, Friday, life got me all shook up.
I tried to fight to cling to the words from the day before, but I felt like I was swept up in a tornado. I was suffocating under people's opinions.
This was something I had dealt with before, but in another way...
Before it was "Am I good enough for them? Am I pretty enough? Do I say the right things?"
Now it had become, "Am I there enough for everyone? I want to do this, but if I do, then they might not like it, and I need for them to approve. Maybe I'll just get their opinion, see what they think... but what if they don't agree? Am I enough for everyone? Am I happy enough? Do I encourage enough? Do I come around enough? Do I sacrifice enough?"
Way too much pressure for one person to handle.

How about I just do what God tells me, no matter what...no matter who it may hurt, or who may not understand--that's not mine to handle, it's God's... I'm just supposed to walk where He leads me, and let Him take care of the rest.

It's not always easy, but it's right.
Who knows? Where I would naturally have compromised to keep a friendship might just be supporting them in a place in their walk they're not supposed to be in... And, honestly, that's not a very good friend... I mean, yeah, you want to be there for them and all, but you don't want to justify their sin, or whatever you want to call it.

Not saying that these people are sinning, because, honestly, I don't know. And I think that's what's made it so hard. I don't know what's going on, so I don't know how I'm supposed to act.
I'm like an actor without a script.
Not anymore.
Now I shall be like when Mrs. Rachel would call us on stage and have us exort the congregation without any warning. When she did that, you had to fully rely on God and God alone. No one else could give you what to say.
So, I'm throwing away the temptation of a script at all
I'm going scriptless

That's full trust.

Sometimes, I wish all this would go away. So that way, life would be easy, and I wouldn't have to worry about anything.
But, then, what would I learn? Nothing about myself. Nothing about trust.
Nothing that God has shown me the past three days.

He's working everything out.
He continuously calms my anxious heart.

He is my everything.
Thank You, Jesus.