I guess I'm learning contentment
or, at least I'm getting better at it.
Even though I'm missing out on a lot, I'm taken care of. I have all I need.
I'm were I'm supposed to be for now.
I don't know why, but that's okay
I don't know for sure what is next, but that's okay.

I had a dream last night, that I got engaged...
Hah, we were walking around HEB with my family, and he asked me? or whatever? but it wasn't all hillbilly red-neck style. I don't know, anyway...
I can remember thinking, "am I ready for this? Can I handle this? Am I mature enough for this?" Then looking at him, running into his arms, and just looking him in the eyes and being happy. Giddy, really. But I was so happy.
Then I just laid my head on his chest. Wow.

Yesterday I found this apartment. It is the most adorable one bedroom apartment I've seen in portland ever. And I could probably manage getting it, but I don't think I'm supposed to. I was mad when I realized this, because I just want to move my life forward so badly, but... I don't think I have to make the next move.
I think it's all just a matter of waiting for timing.
On my lunch break, I think I asked God to give me a dream to show me something, because of this apartment. I have dreams that happen sometimes, and so I wanted something to show me what to do, because I feel clueless.
I know when I went back to work, I stood there and told God if He wants me to get married, He better let me know about it. I want to meet the guy, and be his friend, and it just happen. I don't want awkwardness, I don't want questions... I just want it to flow...because if it doesn't, it could get messy considering I've never dated. So, He's gotta handle that.
And last night in my car, I told Him He had to do something...because where I'm at I can't even take care of myself the way I should. And I don't want t o get sick again. I want to be happy, and happy with myself.
So.
I guess we shall see...