end.

I suppose I've hit a wall.
I slept through three alarms today...I didn't wake up until Tina--my boss--called me. 15 minutes after I was supposed to be at work.
So, phone rings at 7:37am
Me: OH MY GOSH I slept through my alarms!
Tina: It's okay, just get dressed and get here as soon as you can
Me: I am sooo sorry! I'll be there soon
7:57am--I arrive at work (granted, I live about 18 minutes away)
I walk in
Tina: Are you okay? Do you need to go get breakfast or anything?
Me: No, I'm okay. Thanks, though.

She was more upset at the fact that our boss didn't show up on time and wasn't able to tell her I wasn't there until after when we were supposed to be open.

I never sleep in. Ever. I can't remember one time in my 21 years of existance.
Tina didn't say anything to Janice or Rena, we just kinda laughed about it. Like it was our secret.
I, of course, told Karen. She's great, and we had a good laugh about it.
Karen put in her two weeks notice...so as of the 26th, I'll be full-time.
Ah.
Not too sure how I feel about this...
I'm sure it will be easier once I get into the habit...but everything in me wants to cry.
I don't think there's a way for anyone to understand how I feel about this...but apparently it's affecting me more than I realize.
I'm trying to be positive about it.
This does mean that I can start saving. For a new car, then furniture, then move out.
Granted, this will take over a year to accomplish...
But, honestly, I'm scared.
I'm scared that this is all I'll come to be...a teller for the rest of my life.
There's so much more to me than this...
Maybe I just have to make this more than it appears
And, it makes me sad when I have to turn down doing so many things I've longed to do...
Like Snowboarding with Sara
Or camping with Betty and Shelen
Or going to the beach with everyone
even having any form of a spring break...
I'm supposed to be in college, enjoying myself while pretending to learn.
But, instead I have to be an adult already.
I had to give up the internship.
I felt it coming, no one believed me. It kinda makes me laugh now...

I guess I just didn't realize how run down I am...
Everyone keeps harping on me, comparing me to whatever situation their going through, telling me I don't know what tired is, and what not.
I've been trying to keep going...just keep going...one foot in front of the other.
Breathe in, breathe out.
but, I guess I'm at my limit.

I can't be everything to everyone...
I sacrifice so much...and I'm still not happy...
At the net last weekend, I sat there and cried and just asked God, "Why did I have to leave all this?"
I forgot what that love felt like...
I've missed it.
I miss it still.
It hurts knowing that last friday may have been the last time for me to see some of my friends...
This road is a hard one...
And everyone seems to be a critic...telling me how I should live, or how I should act, or what I should do.
It's rough.

Jesus, please hold my hand...