I'm not sure what to think.
I'm not sure what to feel.
As soon as I find myself getting confident, everything I was confident about gets thrown in my face.
Out of no where.
So, I sit here.
Completely clueless.

And I hate it, because I can't hide it.
And everyone seems to like to ask me questions
and want to know why I'm not okay
And I don't want to tell everyone
I want to be invisible.

But, that's impossible.
And I can't just hide, because I have responsibilities.

I want to scream.
I want to scream until my throat is sore.
I want to know what in the world is going on and what I can do to fix it
I want to know what's okay and what's not
What's me and what's other people.
What's acceptable, what's just being tolerated and what I need to fix.

When did life get this complicated?
I hate this feeling that I'm fighting.
It's ugly.
Probably green.
With red eyes.
And it's relentless.
No amount of sleep and chocolate seems to be able to fix it
Tears seem pointless, too.
but crying is about all I can do right now.







sigh.