I should stop thinking.

I think I am fighting depression.
Not that I am depressed, because I'm not
But I am fighting it.
And I think it is the hardest when I think too much.
I can get really discouraged. Possibly because I am such a dreamer. When I "wake up" from these dreams, and I see that I merely have reality, I get discouraged. I begin to think that these dreams will never happen, that I'm doomed to always be where I am.
But I'm not.
I know this.
I have hope and I know that God doesn't fail me.
It's just some nights I can't appreciate what I have. I have to work towards it. To remind myself of the beauty I have at my disposal. And not just wish my life away.
Something I told Ashley has stuck with me,
"You should enjoy the days you have or else you'll go crazy waiting for the ones you want."
It's funny how as soon as words leave your mouth, you're tested on what you said.

So true.
So, I'm teaching myself that right now
Also trying to figure out how to take more time for myself right now instead of waiting for when it's easy.
And how to take steps to do things that make me feel better about myself.
Trying on bridesmaids dresses that show my I-once-was-fat knees takes a toll on ones confidence.

Still have to figure out how all that is gonna work.

yet, I'm hopeful.
Life is good.