I'm not gonna worry

I'm not gonna worry

I'm not gonna worry

I'm not gonna worry

I'm not gonna worry

I'm not gonna over think

I'm not gonna over think

I'm not gonna over think

I'm not gonna over think

I'm not gonna over think.

It's out of my control.

I'm choosing to trust.

I'm not gonna worry
I'm not gonna worry
I'm not gonna worry
I'm not gonna worry
I'm not gonna worry

I'm not gonna over think
I'm not gonna over think
I'm not gonna over think
I'm not gonna over think
I'm not gonna over think.

It's out of my control.

I'm choosing to trust.

This was the best Thanksgiving. Hands down.

It goes down as the best. Most definitely.

My heart is so happy

This was the best Thanksgiving. Hands down.
It goes down as the best. Most definitely.

My heart is so happy

I feel like

Time and opportunities are slipping through my fingers.
I make the most of what I can
But there's only so much that can be done.

Once this day is gone, it's gone.
Who's to know what tomorrow holds?

Dear Friends.

I stayed up really late last night with a dear friend.
We were sharing our hearts.

It truly was a beautiful thing.

For me, this really means a lot. I take nights like that to heart.
It's like everything that I keep locked away deep inside, protected so as to not be trampled over was able to come to surface and be exposed.

This is a very risky thing.
It can be rejected, torn apart, stomped into the ground, ignored or misunderstood--amongst other things.
These are the very things that make up the core of who I am. My dreams, my desires, my inmost being. It's not something everyone sees everyday. It's not something everyone will know.
But, she does.
And she understands.
And she patiently listens to me rambling on and on about these things that only God knows all of and paper has an inkling towards.
It's deeper than I could even begin to explain.
But things were confirmed.
It's as if we went from the natural realm into the spiritual and were speaking and viewing the world through the eyes of our spirit.

It is time that is so valued.
Words can't even express.

My heart is overflowing. I tried journaling about it, but I don't know about the justice it does.
The best part?
Dear friend was there. She knows. She understands. She was there.

I am so beyond thankful.

Jesus, thank You for friends like this.

Fact:

Fact: Jesus loves me
Fact: I will fail you
Fact: I'm not very good at keeping up with people
Fact: My heart is pretty sensitive
Fact: I love my family
Fact: I battle fear often
Fact: I have a mosquito bite on my knee
Fact: I'm almost always thinking about multiple things
Fact: Everything has a point and long, extensive reasoning
Fact: I don't know what I want
Fact: I hear from God the most when I'm asleep or in the shower
Fact: Not many actually know me fully
Fact: I'm doing laundry
Fact: I'm mostly uncertain about thing right now
Fact: Crocheting calms me down, and makes me sleepy
Fact: Madea makes me smile
Fact: I like eating cookie dough
Fact: I have no idea what my future holds
Fact: I know Who holds my future
Fact: I love the smell of clean linen
Fact: I don't know how to cook
Fact: There are many better things I could be doing right now
Fact: My heart is heavy
Fact: I don't know...

So it seems.

A lot of unexpected the last few weeks
But, not in a way most people would notice.
I think this makes it more difficult
And easier
At the same time.

There are just some things I need to figure out on my own without anyones opinion.
I have found that if I speak, it just makes it worse, makes me feel guilty, and makes my head start spinning...
I apparently can't hide that something's going on, not to those close to me, at least. And, I mean, I am capable of it, but once I do I convince even myself that nothing is wrong. This continues until it explodes. And, that's never proved good.
So, even though I appreciate people's concern, sometimes it's just best if I don't speak about it...
But, when this happens, I feel bad, because I know my dear friend's hearts break knowing mine is, and they want to help...
...but reality is, sometimes saying nothing helps me more than trying to fix it with words.

Not all the time.
But, in this case.

I've had to take 15+ steps back to take a look at everything
At the choices at hand, and at what it will mean for my future.
I've had to realize the control of the future is not in my control, and I shouldn't be afraid to make risky decisions, but also that I must be wise in my decision making.
And I must make the decisions for me, not anyone else.

I don't have life completely figured out, I know I hurt a lot of people, and I know my current situations hurt my heart a lot, but I can't give up.
I must carry on.

Life is more than today.

welst.

Life sure has been rather interesting.
I've learned so much
and been faced with a lot...

The type of things that I can't really even journal about
which takes a lot.
But, you know, maybe it's good.
It's teaching me to confide fully in God for everything
I'm definitely okay with it.

I think it's funny that my head is tilted to the right as I type this
It's something I picked up from my roommate Jamie in Bible school, she would tilt her head when she was trying to decide if she liked the outfit she had on.

I guess it's my contemplative stance.

Hah.

I had many ideas of what to write the next time I had Internet access
but it appears that life's happenings have caused me to come up short.

At least I journal
So, although you don't have the privilege of reading it--yet--it's still at least recorded.

I feel like I'm being cold to people.
This is mean.
Maybe I should put on a jacket so my shoulder won't be so cold...

Meh.
The right people will break through the ice that's formed.