So it seems.

A lot of unexpected the last few weeks
But, not in a way most people would notice.
I think this makes it more difficult
And easier
At the same time.

There are just some things I need to figure out on my own without anyones opinion.
I have found that if I speak, it just makes it worse, makes me feel guilty, and makes my head start spinning...
I apparently can't hide that something's going on, not to those close to me, at least. And, I mean, I am capable of it, but once I do I convince even myself that nothing is wrong. This continues until it explodes. And, that's never proved good.
So, even though I appreciate people's concern, sometimes it's just best if I don't speak about it...
But, when this happens, I feel bad, because I know my dear friend's hearts break knowing mine is, and they want to help...
...but reality is, sometimes saying nothing helps me more than trying to fix it with words.

Not all the time.
But, in this case.

I've had to take 15+ steps back to take a look at everything
At the choices at hand, and at what it will mean for my future.
I've had to realize the control of the future is not in my control, and I shouldn't be afraid to make risky decisions, but also that I must be wise in my decision making.
And I must make the decisions for me, not anyone else.

I don't have life completely figured out, I know I hurt a lot of people, and I know my current situations hurt my heart a lot, but I can't give up.
I must carry on.

Life is more than today.