This week.

To say this week has been amazing is an understatement.
In the past 6 days, I have booked a trip for Europe, found a way to go to a dance tour I really wanted to see, found out my tickets are SECOND ROW (WHAT?!) and won a professional pointe shoe fitting contest (which I so desperately need.)
I've started new classes and really enjoy them, especially Thursdays. I feel like I'm finally starting to find where I belong, and I'm making new friends.
I got to see my baby Jenna yesterday, which absolutely made my day.

I haven't been too insanely sick, which is nice, although sometimes my stomach likes to throw me some curveballs.

I really need to book more photo shoots.
I'm trying not to stress out about that.

I really felt like God wanted me to not worry about distance or gas or money. To do what I feel in my heart I need to do and take the risk.
So, here's me, taking risks.
And, believe it or not, nervous me isn't freaking out near as much as I normally would.

(Go team!)

Instep

In case you haven't heard, my dance studio is closing.
It's a sad thing, and you can read about it on my dance blog here ,
But I wanted to post some of my favorite pictures from the farewell thing.

I love my family.

Contemplation

It always seems that my biggest burst of inspiration for creating comes when I'm at work.
I guess when you're faced with something you don't want, you're reminded of all the things you do want.
It's easy to forget how important something is to you when you have time to spare, but when push comes to shove you're forced to make a choice.

As I'm waiting for my co worker to leave to bust out my journal and sketchbook, I'm reminded of what is important to me, those things I value above the mundane, and the certain qualities I like about myself.
I have to remind myself of these times when the world seems dull and impossible. It's best to look around you and see all the beautiful things you do have, rather than thinking of the things you wish you had. One day you'll look back and wish you'd appreciated what you have now.
Time goes by way too quickly to waste a second. Everything can change in an instant, and if that hasn't happened to you yet, it will.
That's no reason to be afraid, just be aware.
Grab every moment and hold it tight before progression forces you to let go.
Memories are all we have left in this world.

Pictures

Just some pictures of recent events that make me really happy.

Honesty.

Sometimes I feel like nothing.
Like I don't have anything to offer the world.
Like it doesn't really matter if I'm in people's live or not.

But at the same time, I'll feel guilty.
Because I can't be active in all the lives of the people I love.
And the last thing I want to do is hurt them.
But guilt can be overwhelming, telling me that's all I'm doing.

And this can lead to me feeling responsible,
Since I can't come up with any way to fix it.
And I just sit here, numb
mulling over all the things I did and what I could have done better
And does it even matter any more
Or is the damage already done?

Which leads to me secluding
Because I'm afraid to get close to anyone else.
I don't want to end up doing the same thing and hurting them, too.

I realized I find it easier to be friends with people I know are leaving
Or are limited.
Or whatever.
I know they'll leave.
We will still be friends after, but distance is expected.

I wish we could live with this mindset.
To never take a moment for granted
Because in a split second, everything could change on us
Leaving what is familiar to us now as just a distant memory.

My heart is heavy today
These are my honest confessions.

I like who I am.

I like me.
I like who I am.
How many people can actually say that?

Sure, I'm not perfect.
I have hurt people
I've said things I shouldn't have
I've not said things I should have said
I've failed.

But those aren't the things that define me.
I used to think they did, but the truth is the opposite.
Sometimes I think I can do better, sometimes I can do better
But I try my hardest to strive for my best every day.
To carry peace
To love while I have the time
To make sure people I come in contact with know they are loved.

I will fail, it's inevitable.
But if I succeed even once, it makes the effort worth it.

I like the people I have in my life.
I like what I choose to spend my time on.
I like my choices.

This isn't an over night thing
Oh no,
This is something I've been choosing my whole life.
And I don't regret a second.

Sometimes it doesn't make sense.
Sometimes it hurts to put so much out there
But it's worth it.

I guess I just want to feel relevant.




(More on this later.)