Honesty.

Sometimes I feel like nothing.
Like I don't have anything to offer the world.
Like it doesn't really matter if I'm in people's live or not.

But at the same time, I'll feel guilty.
Because I can't be active in all the lives of the people I love.
And the last thing I want to do is hurt them.
But guilt can be overwhelming, telling me that's all I'm doing.

And this can lead to me feeling responsible,
Since I can't come up with any way to fix it.
And I just sit here, numb
mulling over all the things I did and what I could have done better
And does it even matter any more
Or is the damage already done?

Which leads to me secluding
Because I'm afraid to get close to anyone else.
I don't want to end up doing the same thing and hurting them, too.

I realized I find it easier to be friends with people I know are leaving
Or are limited.
Or whatever.
I know they'll leave.
We will still be friends after, but distance is expected.

I wish we could live with this mindset.
To never take a moment for granted
Because in a split second, everything could change on us
Leaving what is familiar to us now as just a distant memory.

My heart is heavy today
These are my honest confessions.