Can someone please tell me?

What is it about me that makes people think I don't want to know the truth?

I was recently informed something from a friend of mine. And when she told us, she said, "Emilee, I knew you'd take it the hardest. I actually didn't want to tell you until like, the day of."
Really?
I'm glad she didn't. That would have crushed me.
Although I understand why she went about this the way she did, I do, I just wonder why she wouldn't want to tell me...
Sometimes I take things hard. This is a person I highly value, of course it's not going to be an easy pill to swallow... and I'm sentimental, so I suppose that makes people think they don't want to let me know and hurt me...
But because I'm sentimental, I want to know as soon as possible so that I can enjoy every moment I have...
I would have felt like complete nothing if I wouldn't have been informed... Especially since so much was developing with this, and now there's so much I have to adjust to, not just the fact that I won't have her anymore.
But at the same time, my spirit has known for a while.
Another reason why I wish I would have known sooner... My spirit has been warning me, but my head didn't understand. Now I feel completely stupid, because I would say things out of obligation, and now I know that I looked ignorant because I didn't know... My sister said I shouldn't feel stupid. But I do. I knew. Deep down inside... it was screaming at me.
She actually thought someone had already told me, but it was definitely news to me..
This would have helped me so much recently in understanding why I was feeling certain ways, and now I've already gone through the sleepless nights, and just feel dumb about it.
It just throws me through a spin...
I'm sure I am just too deep. Or just think too much. Or what the heck ever.
And I'm not placing any blame, really. Not at all. I completely understand.

I just don't ever want to feel like this again.
I'm scared--any other time this has happened, I was hurt, and lied to, and convinced myself of false hopes just to be left wondering...
I'm afraid I'll just look stupid for feeling and thinking all these things.

I know she hears God's voice. I know this is what she needs to do...like I said, my spirit has known for a while...
I just hate feeling so stupid...
and immature...
and alone.

Jesus. Thank You that You never leave me.