hearts.

<3

Intimidating.

While driving with a new friend, a random thing came up in conversation

"You can be kinda intimidating"

I've heard this before
And honestly, I've never understood it.

Me? Intimidating?
Why?

I asked my friend, she said,
"Well, you're always so happy, and outgoing"
She didn't mean it in a bad way
I laughed, and told her I'm an introvert, and actually don't have a lot of confidence.

I find it ironic...

I told a good friend of mine who knows new friend about the conversation.
what she said made sense.
"Well, you are. But not in a bad way. You and (other good friend) are the same way. Like even if you didn't know her, you wouldn't dare litter around her. You can just feel it off of her. You both have this air about you, this presence, that when people are around you, they want to be better people. It's a good thing"

It really meant a lot to  me.
To hear that, you know?
Because another good friend and I were discussing how I'm opposite of what people think and expect. And how weird it is. And how I still don't really know why.
But to know that I'm doing something right... that people can really see Jesus in me, and I don't have to say a word...
It's humbling...
Makes me want to keep living life right.

I just wish that good friend would see that I'm no better than she.
That she can be like this too.
Her potential is through the roof.

so, I pray
I pray her heart will heal, and that she'll understand
And that she'll know how precious she truly is.

One day.
That's a promise.

(Learning To Be) Selfish. ©

Ugly clouds. Rain pouring down.
Both inside and out.
I try not to slip or lose my grip
Taking the necessarily selfish route.
Just when I think I've reached my brink
More gets poured on top.
Breathe in deep, allow release
The rain will eventually stop.
Shut off my brain before I go insane
Don't try to please anybody.
Forget everyone, they can keep their sun
This rain came just for me.





Truth is, I'm not sure how I feel about this one.
Simply because it rhymns the whole way through.
Those always feel fake to me.
Or forced.
There are few that don't.
This one wasn't hard to write, I didn't fight to find the rhymns...
I don't know.

And I would put what inspired this
Why I wrote each line
But, there are people who read this blog that I don't know read it for sure.
And I don't want to fully express anything.

Shout out to my sister
This poem isn't about her, but she stalks me :)
<3 <3 <3
She's a great sister.
I love her
Y'all should all be jealous.

Today.

Today was a beautiful day.
I think all the craziness from the medications have finally passed
Either that or I've finally figured out how to manage it all.

Today was happy
Tomorrow looks hopeful
This week should be a great one.

I appreciate the days where endurance is required
Because it strengthens me

But I must say,
I'm so grateful to have had a day where I could stop at any given moment
And just smile.

<3 <3 <3

There are too many voices.
In my head, and all around me.
Those around me are all right in some aspect.

I don't know how to be normal anymore.
I hate this.

I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut.
Act like everything is fine.
Not be the one to bring any of this up.

I shouldn't have said anything in the first place.
Maybe these voices will shut up, too.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I wonder if everyone is just lying to me.

If I'm just tolerated
Like the little sister.

But, I can't believe that if I've never been told it.
Walk in confidence with my head up.

And not live in the past.
It's weird when things come full circle...