Unmasked.

I hate new things,
but I love new things.
Yes, I realize this is an oxymoron, I have just accepted the fact that my life is laced with them.

I'm at a new dance studio.
It sucked leaving my old one.
It sucked starting the new one.
But as I start to find my footing, make a fool of myself, and face these gargantuan fears no one else even realizes are there, I find myself in one of my favorite times of meeting new people.

You can never take back a first impression.
With some people, first impressions are only the first layer of beauty the person possesses.
With others, it's about the only beautiful thing you'll see.
Nonetheless, these are my favorites, because you get can learn so much.

There's this girl in my Ballet V class that has to be the sweetest person I've ever met.
But she's not so shallow as to just remain there.
She's one of the first of the girls I didn't know to talk to me, and that has meant so much.
More than that, she's real.
People say that I'm sweet, but they don't seem to leave me room to be anything other than sweet.
She was late one day and clearly frazzled, and when someone asked her, she didn't mask it.
The thought of not masking to some people is unheard of to me.
With more thought, I can recognize that there are times that I can be unmasked, and others where it's easier to not be.
I guess the hardest part is encountering those people who knew me when I was younger; ya know, before the world took it's beating, before I had to fight my way to survival. Who they knew me then, although the same person, functions a bit differently now. Some can accept it, but others aren't as open. It tends to be the ones that are just takers that have the hardest time. Sadly, some takers are a necessary evil.

Anyway.
Seeing her reaction and her honesty in life really showed me it's possible. That you should have a place that's safe to be yourself and not have to put up a front, and you should strive to life an unmasked life. (Given that you're a decent human being and not just using that as an excuse to be a jerk.)

So, thanks for being sunshine, Eloise, and for not being afraid to show that sometimes rain happens.

Please, be. ©

I have you but a moment
A fleeting breath slips through my lips
As you slip through my fingers

You're gone as quickly as you came
My eyes are open
Searching, waiting.
Hoping to see you
walk through that door.

I'll slip back into your arms
Next to your heart
Your hand in mine
Where we belong.

Birthday.

Tomorrow is the first of the birthday/year of awesome celebrations.
I've just decided that everything awesome will be in attribute to my birthday.

Birthday shopping weekend
Birthday pointe shoe fitting
Birthday SYTYCD Tour
Birthday Europe trip

Why not?

Now, I don't know if I'll stick with this, but it's a fun thought.

'Bout to go buy new windshield wiper blades.
Because it's my birthday. And it's supposed to rain.
As it should :)

Winter.

I have yet to figure out why, but it seems that winter always seems to weigh heavier than most seasons.
I'm not sure if it's because the cold is here such a short amount of time in comparison to the warmth, thus having a far narrower spectrum of time to place into this category.
It could just be because tragedy seems to strike more in the fall and winter months.
*shrug*

I tend to dread it. So much so, that I was exceptionally panicky one October. A good friend caught on and thus got with my roommate to fill my hallway with balloons.
FILLED. WITH. BALLOONS.
And at the end of the hallway was two stuffed elephants and my favorite candy.
It was amazing, unlike anything ever.
It definitely helped combat those winter blues, especially for that year, and thankfully that October went down as one laced with moments of happiness, rather than the notorious years of pain.
The thing about painful winters is that you not only feel them when they happen,
But also the next year; when the air is crisp and memories stare you blankly in the face.
It's heavy, like a blanket of snow on your shoulders, stitched together and never melting.Then you reluctantly face the cheery summer that mocks you. How can you possibly think of going into a summer that's supposed to be happy with this blanket suffocating you?
And it's the first year without Instep, which is gonna be hard, since such happy winter memories were made there.

But, you know what?
This year is different.
This year, no one is going to dictate my winter but me.*
This year, I'm calling the shots.
This year, I'm not going to feel guilty over things that aren't in my control.
This year, I'm gonna appreciate what's around me to the fullest.
This year, I'm taking winter back.
I'm gonna fill it with memories that leave me smiling.
I'm going to surround myself with people I love.
I'm going to talk about things that make me feel happy.
And next year, when I look back, I may feel sad, because I'll miss it so much.
But then I'll feel inspired to make that next approaching year even better than this one.
Simply. It doesn't take much. Just some good people, a couple good books, a few adventures, and lots of laughs.

This year is different.
And I'm looking forward to it.



*I would hope that when I say "No one but me" that it is assumed that "me" is synonymous with God. Of course, He has the final say. But I do what He says. It's not necessarily a big, impressive prayer, just a gentle nudging and knowing.
Anywho. Just to clarify.
Carry on.

This week.

To say this week has been amazing is an understatement.
In the past 6 days, I have booked a trip for Europe, found a way to go to a dance tour I really wanted to see, found out my tickets are SECOND ROW (WHAT?!) and won a professional pointe shoe fitting contest (which I so desperately need.)
I've started new classes and really enjoy them, especially Thursdays. I feel like I'm finally starting to find where I belong, and I'm making new friends.
I got to see my baby Jenna yesterday, which absolutely made my day.

I haven't been too insanely sick, which is nice, although sometimes my stomach likes to throw me some curveballs.

I really need to book more photo shoots.
I'm trying not to stress out about that.

I really felt like God wanted me to not worry about distance or gas or money. To do what I feel in my heart I need to do and take the risk.
So, here's me, taking risks.
And, believe it or not, nervous me isn't freaking out near as much as I normally would.

(Go team!)

Instep

In case you haven't heard, my dance studio is closing.
It's a sad thing, and you can read about it on my dance blog here ,
But I wanted to post some of my favorite pictures from the farewell thing.

I love my family.

Contemplation

It always seems that my biggest burst of inspiration for creating comes when I'm at work.
I guess when you're faced with something you don't want, you're reminded of all the things you do want.
It's easy to forget how important something is to you when you have time to spare, but when push comes to shove you're forced to make a choice.

As I'm waiting for my co worker to leave to bust out my journal and sketchbook, I'm reminded of what is important to me, those things I value above the mundane, and the certain qualities I like about myself.
I have to remind myself of these times when the world seems dull and impossible. It's best to look around you and see all the beautiful things you do have, rather than thinking of the things you wish you had. One day you'll look back and wish you'd appreciated what you have now.
Time goes by way too quickly to waste a second. Everything can change in an instant, and if that hasn't happened to you yet, it will.
That's no reason to be afraid, just be aware.
Grab every moment and hold it tight before progression forces you to let go.
Memories are all we have left in this world.