Winter.

I have yet to figure out why, but it seems that winter always seems to weigh heavier than most seasons.
I'm not sure if it's because the cold is here such a short amount of time in comparison to the warmth, thus having a far narrower spectrum of time to place into this category.
It could just be because tragedy seems to strike more in the fall and winter months.
*shrug*

I tend to dread it. So much so, that I was exceptionally panicky one October. A good friend caught on and thus got with my roommate to fill my hallway with balloons.
FILLED. WITH. BALLOONS.
And at the end of the hallway was two stuffed elephants and my favorite candy.
It was amazing, unlike anything ever.
It definitely helped combat those winter blues, especially for that year, and thankfully that October went down as one laced with moments of happiness, rather than the notorious years of pain.
The thing about painful winters is that you not only feel them when they happen,
But also the next year; when the air is crisp and memories stare you blankly in the face.
It's heavy, like a blanket of snow on your shoulders, stitched together and never melting.Then you reluctantly face the cheery summer that mocks you. How can you possibly think of going into a summer that's supposed to be happy with this blanket suffocating you?
And it's the first year without Instep, which is gonna be hard, since such happy winter memories were made there.

But, you know what?
This year is different.
This year, no one is going to dictate my winter but me.*
This year, I'm calling the shots.
This year, I'm not going to feel guilty over things that aren't in my control.
This year, I'm gonna appreciate what's around me to the fullest.
This year, I'm taking winter back.
I'm gonna fill it with memories that leave me smiling.
I'm going to surround myself with people I love.
I'm going to talk about things that make me feel happy.
And next year, when I look back, I may feel sad, because I'll miss it so much.
But then I'll feel inspired to make that next approaching year even better than this one.
Simply. It doesn't take much. Just some good people, a couple good books, a few adventures, and lots of laughs.

This year is different.
And I'm looking forward to it.



*I would hope that when I say "No one but me" that it is assumed that "me" is synonymous with God. Of course, He has the final say. But I do what He says. It's not necessarily a big, impressive prayer, just a gentle nudging and knowing.
Anywho. Just to clarify.
Carry on.