Time heals all wounds?

Well, I heard from someone today.
It's something that I kind of never expected to happen. At all.
I had always hoped that I would hear from this person again, and in a way that wasn't bitter or angry or condeming, but I thought it would take months, maybe longer to happen.
It kinda shocked me, but, in a good way.
I mean, I was kind of a bunch of nerves the whole time, I guess just because I had been hurt, but I think it was something that needed to happen.
I was open, as I've tried to be the whole time, and the conversation was nothing but good. Almost like nothing happened at all.
I guess I'm still in a kind of shock about the whole thing. Not sure what to think about it. It almost seems to be too good to be true, but then I wonder if it's good.
I am glad the conversation happened.
I do believe this was all something that needed to soothe over...
So, maybe it really has soothed.
She ended with the quote "time heals all wounds" in her final statement. Followed by telling me family hello for her.
It just seems too simple...that all it would take is time...
*shrug*
I'll take it :)

I've learned...

a very valuable lesson.
And I do believe it is quite the obvious one, too.

I realized driving home today that I have the wrong focus...
I've been so concerned about every situation, every detail, every reaction, every...everything...
When in reality, I should be focused on Jesus, on what He wants, and on where He's taking me, and what His reaction is..
This realization made life so much easier.
I just have to learn to keep thinking like this, instead of going back to my old mindsets
but, really, it's so simple...
I think to much, and this is how to fix it...
...to change my focus.

:)

Not too sure...

About all this.
"all this" being pretty much everything.
Am I still being me?
I find myself second guessing before I say or do pretty much anything...
...which, can be a good or wise thing...
but it can also be out of fear.

What do I have to be afraid of?
screwing up.
getting hurt.
saying the wrong thing.
doing the wrong thing.
giving off the wrong impression.
clinging.
a lot.

but, I'm trying not to be afraid.

I guess I just don't know anymore.

I'll figure it out in time, I suppose.

New day, new beginning

So, this weekend has been different.
A good...no...GREAT different.
But, with different takes changes, which can be kinda tough
But worth it...definitely worth it.
Tif, Margo, and I ended up spending a lot of time together this weekend
We talked about everything, and for me...that took a lot.
I mean, there is so much I keep inside, and it's all just begging to get out
but actually exposing that part of me...that takes a lot.
That takes me willing to be completely transparent with someone...letting them see the parts about me I hate...everything.
And, considering most of it is spiritual, that's deep, ya know?
So, a lot was exposed. And a lot of it now causes me to re-evaluate my life...and make a few changes, and stuff...
So, we had these long deep conversations, I fought tears...which makes me question, you know?
The last time I exposed something deep about myself, it was to Ann, who I thought I could trust, you know? But maybe she was just the friend I was longing for that I didn't know wouldn't come til now.
I have to move on from that whole thing.
I'm just afraid I'll cling...which I don't wanna do. And I'm afraid I'll lose them. Like, we'll all move away...and then lose touch. Cause that's all I've ever known.
But maybe this will be different...
anyways....the point of this blog being...

I was sitting in church...thinking through thoughts in my head...when Pastor locks eyes with me...
He began to prophesy over me...exactly the things we were talking about this weekend.
I wish I could remember the details of all of it... I remember specifically him telling me that I won't be able to figure everything out...which made me laugh...
but I remember the end kinda made me tilt my head to the side and wonder...
Hopefully Ms. Tana can dictate it for me...if they recorded it.

So. I wait.
I know it'll be worth it.
Now I just have to find productive ways to fill my time
Without over-thinking things.

It'll be great...I trust God. :)
Even knowing that things will probably get tough.
He hasn't failed me up to now...that grants trust in my book... :)

I was going to post a new blog

But it was too emo.

so. I'll just leave it.

I had that feeling again

I guess it is reliable...

Still not sure how to handle death
but this is one that's not necessarily as much of a home-hitter to me personally
but it hits home to me because it hits home to people very dear to my heart
and I know what emotion and questions and difficulty is coming their way
and I know there is some I can't even imagine...

I'm just so thankful that I know I have Jesus, and that He is holding them so tightly, and that He is comforting them, and bringing them peace, and giving them dreams to help them understand
and that they are strong.
and when they are weak, He is strong through them.

Thank You, Jesus :)

So now, I just pray...

I don't really like this feeling.
I feel like crying, but have no reason to.
Usually when I feel like this, I later find out of someone close to me dying
but I think it might just be from the weird dream I had last night added with reports of friends with swine flu and the bit of fear it holds...

Of course, my mind is going a million miles an hour
and I freak out when I don't have answers
but, how could I get answers if I don't even know the question?

I'll be fine.
I just wish I could take my brain out for a while.

well, I still need to think... Maybe take out my soul--that's the mind will and emotions, yeah, that part.

Give me two days, things should get better