I do not want controversy. If you have a negative opinion, I could care less to hear it.
In the wise words my mother told me,
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
If you're resilient to give your opinion, at least read through everything and hear me out.
If it's negative, I probably still won't care to hear it, as I don't care to feel shame or guilt, which is what initially happens with things like that.
On that note, the blog post:
Some of y'all may have read my post about seeing the first ever Harry Potter book I read for the first time since I was eleven. You may have read how I was hooked after the first few chapters, but was told I wasn't allowed to read it, how I respected my parent's wishes and stayed away. How I understood why they felt this way, but as I'm older have found my way back to Harry Potter and have fallen in love with the story. How I don't resent my parents for it, but wish I could have grown up with it. (Especially seeing as how I was 11 when the books came out. The prime age for getting into the Harry Potter fandom as I would grow up with them.)
I'm reading the books for the second time in my life (The first began last Christmas when I got my tablet and could read them without my parents knowing) and falling in love with the feeling it gives me all over again.
I'm not into witchcraft. I love God with every ounce of my being. And I think that's what I love most about the series; the two don't have to be separate.
Let me explain.
I read this knowing what's real, what's not, etc. I read this knowing Who God is and what He's done and is doing for me. That being so, I read this and can identify with Harry. I feel as though I am part of God's Army (like Dumbledore's) and fighting against Satan and his dark forces (like Voldemort and the Death Eaters) and what I really love is that JK Rolling doesn't sugar coat it--people die, bad things happen, but what matters is that they didn't fight for naught. We win in the end.
It's not about kids reading about witchcraft, it's about kids (and grown adults. hi.) seeing that there is evil out there, but evil doesn't have to win. It's about fighting for what you believe in.
Ps. C.S. Lewis had witchcraft in his books, too. (that's a whole different post.)
(Okay, that wasn't even the controversy I was referring to in the beginning.)
I'm part of the Harry Potter Alliance. I found out about it through Esther Earl and learning more about John Green and becoming a part of Nerdfighteria. I debated joining, because they support things that I didn't necessarily agree with. I ended up going ahead and joining because they did such a greater good to fight for literacy and women's rights and so many other things that my one differing opinion wasn't really going to do any good. If anything, it may do more harm than good.
(If you just want to hear about how Evanna Lynch came to say my name, where to pick up is noted with **)
here we go.
I don't agree with homosexuality. I could go into the details of this and why, but I'm going to choose not to. Because honestly, I have friends who are homosexual, I don't want them to feel shame for how they live.
"But Emilee, they're wrong. You shouldn't care about how it makes them feel. They need to know the truth!"
Okay, but look. They've been told. And I don't feel I will do anyone any good by making anyone feel guilty. It's not my job to "fix" or "change" anyone. It is my job to show people love and let my life speak for itself.
"But the Bible says it's a sin!"
Yep. It also says that alcoholism is a sin, but I'm not going to throw that in the face of my friend who drinks. They know what they're doing. It's their choice. The Bible also says to get to heaven, you have to confess Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you can't do that.
I had an eating disorder for four years. It was literally killing me. I shouldn't be here right now because of what I was doing to my body. But you know what? God still used me. Even though I wasn't living my life fully how He would want me to and how He was asking me to, He still used me. And further more, He loved me. And it wasn't anyone telling me what I should and shouldn't do that helped me overcome that eating disorder. It was love. It was God showing me that He's not mad at me, that He created me as a human, so of course He understands that sometimes I won't make the best decisions. It was a friend showing me the love of God in action. Not by telling me what I should and shouldn't do, but loving me despite what I did. I believe this is one of the hardest things for any human to do. It seems very hopeless at times, but let me tell you, it's worth it.
Now, I know that one of the greatest arguments is that people who identify as homosexuals believe they were born that way, and people against it argue that it's a choice.
I personally believe it's a choice, but look. I'm not gonna argue.
When it comes down to it, you are responsible for your life. You are the one that has to face God when you die. By yourself. I won't be there, that's between you and Him.
I had a dream once that I had a friend who told me, "God called me to be gay." And I remember being stunned, because this went against everything I had been taught. But it got me to thinking. I talked to God about it, I mulled it over, I evaluated it. What if God did? What if someone whose convictions I trusted told me that? What would I say? Would I say, "No, you're wrong, God didn't tell you that." Who am I? I am not God. And what I have lived for my whole life is that you live out your convictions. Who am I to tell someone that their convictions are wrong? I'm not.
I won't vote for marriage equality, but I'm not gonna harp on my friends that do.
That's the beauty of the world. If everyone was the same, it would be so boring.
We need different people.
**(If you want to hear the story of how Evanna Lynch said my name on a livestream, start reading here.)**
So I had seen the Harry Potter Alliance post about their fundraiser Equality FTW (for the win, for those not savvy with these internet terms.) which is raising funds for the HPA and all the awesome things they do to make the world a better place. They've raised funds for Haiti, donated 120,000 books around the world, raised money to send underprivileged kids to camp, collected over 50,000 signatures to makes Universal Studios get their chocolate they use in the Harry Potter world from places that don't use child labor, etc. They aren't just about marriage equality, but it is one of the things they support. And that is their right to decide what their organization is for.
(And if you're just now getting here, and you want to debate me on why I support this organization, read that whole part you skipped over and know that I am living according to my convictions.)
I debated for a while on if I should actually give monetary donations toward this organization if there's something I don't agree with involved. I could hear the opinions of people I love in my head telling me that I shouldn't, that the devil would make this look enticing and I would be lining myself up with him if I contributed, and so many other things. I would go to the perks page and see all these things I would love to donate to receive, but held back because I wasn't sure what I should do. Yesterday, I was looking at it at work again, and thought to myself, "What am I afraid of?"
Afraid.
Fear.
Where does fear come from? Not from God, that's for sure. Anxiety doesn't either. So why was I letting these things dictate my decisions? What did I feel God was saying about the situation?
I thought back to the dream. I thought about friends of mine who have told me how "religious" people make them feel. I thought back to stories and testimonies and good versus evil, and I thought how so much of this could be avoided if we just did what God told us to do and that is to love. To love other people, right where they are, and that this is the greatest commandment. I've felt what it's like to have someone not agree with your decisions, and how rejected and hated it could make you feel, and no one deserves that. No one deserves to feel such hate just for making a decisions, whether I agree with it or not. (I could get into more sides of opinions here, but look. That's not what this blog is about, okay?)
I get home from work and fire up my laptop, trying to calculate what time the HPA Equality FTW live stream with Evanna Lynch is starting in my time zone. I had read 7 Pacific, which would make it 9pm here, and I had read 7 Eastern, which would make it 6pm here. My laptop decided to be dumb, so I pulled it up on my phone. I really wanted to see Evanna Lynch. This whole fandom is new to me, and to feel like there was some sort of connection to it, I wanted it. I wanted to get as much of this motivation and support that I could grasp. I don't want to miss out anymore. And Evanna is the one that was a fan herself. She grew up with the books, wrote fan mail to JK Rolling. She waited in line for book releases. She also ended up beating out a heck of a lot of people to play the roll of Luna Lovegood in the movies, and honestly, I don't think they could have picked anyone better. She shows me that anything is possible if you believe it is.
So I'm watching this live stream, and the two guys from HPA and Evanna feel like old friends, and I'm laughing and hearing what they have to say, and wishing I was taking notes for some of the amazing points and opinions they were wording so perfectly. And then they go through the whole spiel of plugging the perks because, let's be real, it is a fundraiser. And they talk about a new perk that they hadn't unveiled yet, and it involved the Hang in there baby Crookshanks poster which they were going to have Evanna's cat, Lil Puff, autograph for the perk.
I had been mulling over the perks, and trying to decide and evaluate on what I would like and what I could afford. Of course I wanted an autograph of something. But should I spend less money for a chance at an autograph from JK Rolling, in which 148 other people had already put their names into the hat? Or should I spend a little more for a guaranteed autograph from Evanna? I was leaning more towards the guarantee, but man, to have the signature of the woman who put this world on to paper that means so much to me... With this new perk, it offered a new option. And after hearing the three of them talk about it, I decided, "You know what? I'm doing it."
I bought the perk.
Upon doing so, I realized I was the only one who had done so thus far. I decided to tweet about it,
I even misspelled "Lil Puff" oops.
Well, whilst watching the livestream, they started talking about how many of which perks were still available. I got my phone out, on a hunch that maybe they'd notice a Lil Puff perk had been claimed and maybe say something about it.
The timing of the video was perfect. Like. unnaturally perfect.
It starts right when Paul notices the perk was claimed. And they get excited. And then right then Evanna sees the tweet and mentions it on the live stream. She said the hashtag, said she loved it, and said, "Thanks, Emilee!" Then Andrew asked if #lovethepuff was a thing, to which Evanna said it's something she says to Lil Puff because, let's be real, you kinda can't not say that to fluffy cats. (and now I'm kicking myself for having not made a youtube video of my reaction to this. I think I was too stunned. I think I shall remedy this after work.)
So I'm freaking out. It doesn't feel real. How in the world did the Harry Potter world just legitimately just connect to my world? There's no way that really happened. It has to be another one of those dreams that feel like reality.
But then someone favorited it, and replied how Evanna thanked me on the live stream. And this is real.
But I can't tell my parents. Assuming the Harry Potter world is real, they are extreme muggles. Mom would probably listen and get excited with me, but Dad wouldn't have it. And it's not that I get in trouble, per se, but doing something my Dad doesn't agree with is one of the harshest things to hear. So I'd rather just keep it to myself then feel badly about it.
Because ya know, I didn't.
I was on cloud 9.
The impossible happened, and I felt good about it.
I didn't feel shame in supporting this cause, I felt good about it. I only felt shame when I thought of what other people might think about me.
So I grab my phone and tell one of my friends what just happened and here is her reaction,
I went ahead and put the entire conversation, so your curious little minds wouldn't explode.
But that made me feel even better. Knowing that this wasn't in my head. This wasn't me being ridiculous. This wasn't nothing. This was something, and it was a big deal.
So, that was the time she said my name, and when the Harry Potter world dipped into mine. After which I picked up my tablet, and continued reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, laughing as I read, "The Lovegoods have been there for a week." and I highlighted it, because Luna is an old friend.
An old friend who knows my name.
I watched the rest of the live stream, and they talked about different things, and the guys asked Evanna some questions, and her thoughts and opinions on them were so well said that I was in awe. So gentle, and so kind, and so true to the opinion of her I had formed in my head. Which makes you feel really good, when someone you look up to--in a sense--proves that they aren't some person that's gonna disappoint you down the road. It's refreshing.
(this was just a screen shot. Before the mentioned the perk. I was so excited. Is this picture legal? I don't know.)
And then her Dad came in to the video, and he's adorable. And it just shows you that they're real people, too, with real lives and hopes and dreams and fears and opinions and likes and dislikes. They have a story, too, theirs just happens to involve being in the spotlight. The world just amazes me at how connected it all is, sometimes. People are real, no matter who they are. And they deserve kindness and respect. (okay, soap box away.)
And then I woke up this morning and remembered, "Oh yeah, I still get a perk out of this!"
And it shall be framed and placed in my house.
And it shall make me feel wonderful every time I see it.
I love that these last few months (really just the last 4 weeks) have given me so many moments like this.
Ones where I feel like I'm doing the right thing and my life is finally going somewhere.
Like I matter.
Your voice is important.
Your story is important.
Stick to what you believe is right.
If you have questions, ask someone you trust. Wisdom is always great to gain from someone whose lived a little more life.
Don't let anyone make you feel inferior.
If you feel guilt or shame, ask yourself why. Address the issue.
Learn who you are, and love it.
Never stop learning and growing.
Keep your mind wide open.
