these days.

It seems that I'm always learning new things.
Things all over the spectrum.
I'm really grateful for it. It really feels like I'm starting to get back to a point I was at that I long to return to...
It's a long time coming...
Lots of tears, vulnerability, walls being town down, questions, doubt... many more things all laced in between.
Still feel like I'm learning. I hope to never stop. but there are many more things that are coming up.
We're getting to the difficult stuff.

My Pastor asked me if I could lead a Bible study next fall... I was kinda shocked. I've never been asked to do that. Actually, I have, but I was asked because they needed someone and I'm a giver. This time he asked me not just because they need someone, but because he believes I am capable...
I actually hesitated, because I didn't think I was. I mean, I think I am, but I questioned it.
So, now, I'm going to be leading a group of girls. A group of my peers. A group I was just among. What set me apart?

So now, here I am.
I feel like I'm getting somewhere. I finally feel like I'm not dragging.

Then I come across a really hard scenario. Where my progress comes across wrong... It's a hard thing because I want to keep progressing, but I don't want to hurt people...

I was told, "It's just that it seems that Christ just emanates from you."
Biggest compliment pretty much ever.
But it held some weight to it.

I just want people to see that I'm not perfect.
That this isn't because of a certain amount of time of dedication
Or that I'm something super special.
Everything I am is obtainable by anyone who wants it
And more.
Compared to some of my friends, I'm behind. I could be better. I'm even considered a failure.
But I'm me. And I follow my own convictions and the voice of God.
That's about all you can really do. Especially in this day and age... you have so many voices in your head and all around you, it can make you doubt everything you know. Sometimes makes you doubt if you even hear the voice of God. But you have to stick to what you know. Run with it, even if it doesn't make sense. Even if you're clueless. Even if you're curled up on the floor crying until your eyes ache.
Just keep going. Even on days you doubt. Even on days you feel like you're taking no ground. Even on days it feels pointless. We all have those days.

Keep going. Do what you know. If you feel like you fall behind, just take a breather. You don't have to stay there. It's okay. You're human.

Welcome to the club.
We're gonna make it