at a glance.

I feel weird.
I'm not really sure why, or how to explain it...
...it's just. Weird.
I'm not a big fan, probably mostly because I can't explain it, and I don't know what to do with it.
I should be used to it.

Maybe it's time for a "fact" post.

Fact:I hate that I can't do daily physical activity. Am I just being lazy and making up excuses? I really want to. It causes fits of rage. I try to just not think about it. But today I feel it.
Fact:I feel like I want to be alone. But at the same time, I want company. I guess just the right company. Ones that I don't have to say anything at all to.
Fact:I don't want to go to work. I hate that I don't want to go. Why can't I just enjoy it?
Fact:I wish I cared less about things. That I could actually take the time to enjoy them.
Fact: I'm probably too lazy for my own good.
Fact: Being around Alicia and Chad makes me terrified to get into any kind of relationship. On the contrary, having Luke and Ella in the nursery makes me look forward to it. Needless to say, I'm a mess of emotions.
Fact: Sometimes I wish I could just say what's in my head and on my heart. What someone needs to hear, without them getting offended, and knowing that they would actually listen to me and not just hear me.
Fact: I wish the petty things would pass
Fact: I wish I could sleep for a few days
Fact: I freakin' hate distance.
Fact: I hate feeling forgotten
Fact: I really want to be somebody, I want my life to matter. Legitimately matter.
Fact: I wish I could hug Crissy right now. I miss her.
Fact: I wish I could just rest assured in the fact that everything will be okay...
Fact: I wish I could feel satisfaction in something
Fact: I wish I didn't feel so empty
Fact: I don't understand. And I don't like that.
Fact: I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to feel.
I don't really know much of anything.

I can tell myself I'll be okay, because I know I will
but these words don't seem to cut it for me today.

I'm beyond thankful that I'm not living the way I used to. I'm so grateful that I've grown past that...
But now what?
I don't want anything premature.
Maybe I should reevaluate life.

I don't know.