Sometimes sad things happen.

I found out another friend of mine died on Sunday.
I wasn't immensely close to him. I hadn't even spoken to him in 10 years. (since he graduated. I feel old.) But we were on the same debate team, which was a family.

This has kind of wrecked me again.
I don't understand why I've known so many people to die. My record is 17 months without someone dying. I don't think this is normal, but at the same time I feel like I don't have the right to be sad.
"You weren't that close to them."
"You weren't their best friend."
"They didn't even follow you on   insert social media site here  ."
"Someone else was closer to them."
"Their mom doesn't even know who you are."
"Who are you to grieve my best friend? You don't even know. Stop playing. You don't know pain."

These are things that go through my head.
Because there will  always  be someone who was closer/better/more than you.

I find myself feeling connections to certain people who died that I never met.

• Rachel Scott
• Anne Frank
• Esther Earl

Just to name a few.
Why? I never met them. I never can meet them. They had friends and family who loved them; who am I to be sad over their death?

But, isn't that something to be said over their life?
That someone whose name they never knew was so touched by their life that they feel a pang of the loss?
Sure, it'll never be to the same caliber as someone who knew them personally.
But, that doesn't mean that it's nothing, right?

I've been doing a lot of thinking.
About living and dying and the point of it all.
There are many thoughts in my head about it all, but they are so numerous, I don't know I could even attempt to get it all down.

So they'll stay there for now.

One day, I will die. And maybe one day these blog posts will mean something. And maybe some people will feel something from them; people I've never met. And I'm sure they won't feel the same as you who follow me while I'm here, living and breathing and actively thinking. But words live on long after the speaker dies.
I just want mine to be worth it, ya know?
Not to be something that hurts or is pointless.

I dunno, those are my thoughts for now.