So much is going on all at once.
In this season of transition and learning, I find myself wanting and desiring to be alone.

Don't get me wrong, I love people.
I love my friends, very dearly.

But there's so much going on in my head and heart that can't easily be understood by people.
I don't even understand it, I just can't shake it.

I feel responsible for how it is affecting friendships. Which I don't necessarily like. But I know I can't do anything about it. It is what it is. I gotta hold to the hope that it'll make sense eventually.
So, to help it, I'd rather stay by myself. That way I don't try and make something out of nothing. I'm not disappointed when things aren't how they used to be or how I would expect. I don't have any expectations from people, and I don't feel obligated to try and explain the thing that I can't put into words.

Apparently when I write, it shows on my face. And people tend to ask me if I'm okay.
This is frustrating. It throws me off.
Another reason I should just be alone.

I had intended for this post to go a bit differently. To say more. To better explain.
I can't do this with other people in the room.
I feel exposed.

Not that exposure is bad, but this is something I need to keep to myself. I need to protect it.

I miss how things used to be. I'm hopeful for what lies ahead, but trying to balance everything through this transition--however long it may be--proves to be rather difficult.