I've hit another wall.
When I thought all that could go wrong did, more goes wrong.
Isn't it always that way?
But that's okay.
I feel pretty defeated
Deep down, I know I'll rise from this.

After all, you have to pull back an arrow before it can be launched, right?

Reasons why my current life is awesome

1.) Today I didn't put on make up, or even my contacts for work. I don't see anyone, so this is an option
2.) I can roll out of bed and wear that to work. I don't see anyone, so this is an option
3.) I can eat chocolate cake at 7:23am if I want to
4.) If I don't want to shave my legs, no one cares
5.) Those drizzly days that make you not want to get out of bed happen, at the time I'm just getting into bed.
6.) I live with a family that has a passion for cooking
7.) My boss is avid about making sure I can make dance class
8.) I don't have to park on the street anymore
9.) I don't wear shoes 95% of the day
10.) I don't have finals to worry about

Now, before you get jealous of any of these, I challenge you to make your own list.
If I wanted to I could make a list of reasons why my current life is miserable, but why would I want to think about that? It would just make me all depressed and stuff. And honestly, you wouldn't like me like that.
So you're welcome.
hah.
But no, for real.
Every part of your life can be wonderful. Whether you're where you want to be or still on your way or feel completely stagnant.
There's beauty to be seen if you'll simply look around you.

If you can't find any, then eat cake at an ungodly hour, just to be so daring.
It makes you feel alive.
Making a decision just because you want to is freeing.

So much is going on all at once.
In this season of transition and learning, I find myself wanting and desiring to be alone.

Don't get me wrong, I love people.
I love my friends, very dearly.

But there's so much going on in my head and heart that can't easily be understood by people.
I don't even understand it, I just can't shake it.

I feel responsible for how it is affecting friendships. Which I don't necessarily like. But I know I can't do anything about it. It is what it is. I gotta hold to the hope that it'll make sense eventually.
So, to help it, I'd rather stay by myself. That way I don't try and make something out of nothing. I'm not disappointed when things aren't how they used to be or how I would expect. I don't have any expectations from people, and I don't feel obligated to try and explain the thing that I can't put into words.

Apparently when I write, it shows on my face. And people tend to ask me if I'm okay.
This is frustrating. It throws me off.
Another reason I should just be alone.

I had intended for this post to go a bit differently. To say more. To better explain.
I can't do this with other people in the room.
I feel exposed.

Not that exposure is bad, but this is something I need to keep to myself. I need to protect it.

I miss how things used to be. I'm hopeful for what lies ahead, but trying to balance everything through this transition--however long it may be--proves to be rather difficult.