I got to be a part of my friend proposing to my really good friend.
It was truly an honor.

I've done a lot of thinking
A lot of evaluating.

People are interesting.

When it's all said and done, she is the only person I've known that I've gotten to see the whole process
And not in a creeper way.
I just got to talk to her about what God was showing her before he was in the picture
And then talked to her after he was in the picture, and what she thought
I was there for the engagement
And I'll do everything in my power to be there for the wedding.

It gives me hope.
To see God come through for His obedient child.

I don't think I let myself sleep.
I think I'm too afraid to stop.

Where is the peace?

What am I doing wrong?

These dreams currently have been scaring me.

confessions from the cove.

An Evanescence song just came on the radio.
My Immortal.

I used to love this song.
It was a haunting addiction.
I haven't listened to it in a long time
And now, here it is.

It's funny what all a simple song can bring back with it's first few chords.
And it's crazy to sit here now and think of how far I've come.
Even scarier to think how easy it would be to go right back into it.

Like there's this giant canyon seperating me and my past
But that canyon can be crossed in a single moment.

Song is over.
Adele is on now.
Much, much better.

Fight another day.

Kindness.

God sure knows.
He knows what we need.
From the complex to the simple.

Sometimes it's a major breakthrough.

Sometimes it's a simple card
An encouraging word
And a pair of elephant socks.

It's amazing what a kind action can do.
It can change the course of someone's entire day.
It can change someone's life.

I don't want to be here.
I don't want to be there.

What happens when there's no where you want to be?

I want to be understood.
I want to be okay.
I want to be happy.
I want to feel better.
I want to stay smaller.
I don't want to worry.
I don't want to have my brain explode with all this mindless nonsense.

I just want to do the right thing.

People seem to be hatin' on me.
Whatever.

Skipped.

I skipped church again today.
second week in a row.

This never happens.
Ever.
Besides the last two weeks, the last time I missed a Sunday service was when one of my girls at Bible school was sick and they had me stay back with her.
I remember dancing in the rain outside after having my own church in my room.
It's cool to be the only one on that campus.

I just feel so watched at that church.
I know everyone, and I feel if I was to respond or something, they are all watching me.
Why do I feel like this?
Because if I ever do respond, someone always says something.
I don't want that...
It makes me feel awkward.

It's probably mainly because the person who usually watches and says awkward things reminds me of and knows the guy who harassed me.
He's way older, and doesn't act like it.
It's just awkward...

So, here I am.
Having church in my room.
I'm sure I'll get condemning comments from a few people.
But, the great part is
Most of my friends understand

I love open-minded people.

I hope to not make this a habit
And the Net will be starting up again soon, which a lot of people consider their home church anyway
So, that'll be good.

silly life.
you're so confusing sometimes.